Why Do Men Own Our Orgasms?
I was scrolling through some of my older writing on one of my blogs (here) when I caught site of a blog I published back in 2017 titled I’m giving you an Orgasm……and I wondered, how did it come to be that men own our orgasms? When did we hand them over? Why did we hand them over? Or, far more likely…….have we never owned them?
Why does there exist this pervasive expectation that men are solely responsible for ensuring their partner’s pleasure and climax during sexual encounters. This societal construct has been ingrained in our cultural narratives for centuries, but it’s time to question: when did we delegate the responsibility of our orgasm to men, and why?
Historically, discussions surrounding female pleasure have been shrouded in taboo and misconception. Women’s sexual autonomy has often been overshadowed by patriarchal ideologies that prioritise male pleasure and dominance. From Freudian theories pathologising female sexuality to the pervasive narrative of women as passive recipients of male desire, the notion of male responsibility for female orgasm has been perpetuated through generations.
But let’s unpack this assumption. Is it fair to place the burden of our sexual satisfaction solely on our male partners? The short answer is no. Our orgasms are our own responsibility, and expecting otherwise perpetuates harmful gender dynamics and perpetuates inequality in the bedroom.
One of the root causes of this expectation lies in the lack of comprehensive sex education. Many individuals, regardless of gender, grow up with limited knowledge about their own bodies and pleasure. Consequently, women may not fully understand their own sexual desires and needs, leading to a reliance on their partners to fulfill them. This knowledge gap perpetuates the myth that men hold the key to female pleasure.
Furthermore, societal portrayals of sex in mainstream media often reinforce the idea that male sexual prowess is measured by their ability to satisfy their partners. This narrative not only places undue pressure on men but also reinforces the notion that women are passive participants in their own sexual experiences.
It’s crucial to recognise that sexual pleasure is a mutual endeavour, and both partners share responsibility for each other’s satisfaction. Communication, exploration, and mutual respect are essential components of a fulfilling sexual relationship. Rather than expecting our partners to intuitively understand our desires, open and honest communication can lead to greater intimacy and pleasure for both parties involved.
Moreover, reclaiming ownership of our pleasure empowers us to explore our bodies and desires free from the constraints of societal expectations. Self-exploration, whether through masturbation or self-reflection, can deepen our understanding of what brings us pleasure and empower us to communicate our needs to our partners confidently.
In recent years, there has been a growing movement towards destigmatising female pleasure and promoting sexual equality. Initiatives such as comprehensive sex education, feminist discourse, and advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights have contributed to challenging traditional gender roles and promoting a more inclusive understanding of sexuality.
As we continue to challenge societal norms and dismantle outdated stereotypes, it’s essential to shift the narrative surrounding female pleasure. Our orgasms are not gifts to be bestowed upon us by our partners; they are our birthright. By embracing our sexual agency and advocating for mutual pleasure, we can create healthier, more fulfilling sexual relationships grounded in equality and respect.
The idea that men are solely responsible for our orgasms is a relic of patriarchal thinking that undermines our sexual autonomy. It’s time to reclaim ownership of our pleasure and recognise that sexual satisfaction is a shared responsibility. By fostering open communication, exploring our desires, and challenging societal norms, we can create a more equitable and fulfilling sexual landscape for all genders.
