Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows.
We so often feel the need to fight, resist, push or force things, we find ourselves locked in battles with forces both internal and external. Poor health, aggression, ego, loneliness, and grief are just a few of the adversaries that many of us strive to overcome. We push, fight, and resist, believing that if we just try hard enough, we can triumph. Yet, the harder we fight, the more entrenched these forces seem to become, draining our energy and leaving us feeling even more defeated.
This pattern of resistance stems from a deeply ingrained cultural narrative: the idea that struggle equates to strength and that winning means overcoming something outside of ourselves. However, what if the very act of fighting is what keeps us tethered to the problem? What if the path forward is not in resistance but in softening, acceptance, and healing? This realization has transformed my own journey and can, I believe, transform yours.
The Energy of Resistance
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that anything we fight, we give energy to. Resistance is not neutral; it is an active engagement that fuels the very thing we wish to overcome. When we resist poor health, for example, we focus intently on the illness, often to the exclusion of the wellness we desire. Our attention magnifies the problem, making it central to our lives.
This is rooted in the principle that where attention goes, energy flows. When we focus on something — whether it is positive or negative — we channel our energy toward it. This means that focusing on problems can inadvertently amplify them, while focusing on solutions, gratitude, or healing can create a more supportive and empowering dynamic. The power of our focus is transformative, shaping not only how we perceive our challenges but also how we experience them.
The same principle applies to emotions like grief or loneliness. The more we try to push these feelings away, the more they persist. This is not because they are inherently insurmountable, but because resistance creates a loop where our energy feeds the very state we wish to escape. The act of fighting becomes a tether, binding us to the struggle.
The Power of Softening
Softening is not about giving up or resigning oneself to suffering. Rather, it is about releasing the tension of resistance and opening ourselves to what is present. Softening allows us to approach our challenges with curiosity and compassion instead of fear and anger.
Imagine holding a clenched fist. Over time, this grip becomes exhausting, even painful. Now imagine slowly opening your hand, allowing the muscles to relax. This is the essence of softening: a conscious choice to let go of the struggle and to create space for something new to emerge.
When faced with poor health, softening might look like acknowledging the body’s signals without judgment. It might involve seeking nurturing practices like restorative yoga, meditation, or a supportive community, rather than fixating on all the ways the body is failing. Softening creates an environment where healing becomes possible, not because we have forced it, but because we have allowed it.
Acceptance as a Gateway
Acceptance often gets misunderstood as passivity or indifference, but it is, in fact, a radical act of courage. To accept something is to see it clearly and to acknowledge its presence without trying to change it. Acceptance is not the same as approval; it does not mean we like or endorse what is happening. Rather, it means we stop denying or resisting reality.
When we accept grief, for example, we allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of loss without judgment. This does not mean the pain disappears, but it often lessens its grip on us. Acceptance breaks the cycle of resistance, freeing up the energy we previously used to fight against the experience. In this state of openness, healing becomes accessible.
Acceptance also extends to our relationships with others. Aggression, whether directed at us or emanating from within, often escalates when met with more aggression. Acceptance does not mean tolerating harmful behaviour but rather recognising the underlying pain or fear that fuels it. By responding with calmness and understanding, we create the possibility of resolution rather than escalation.
The Healing Journey
Healing is not a linear process, nor is it something that can be forced. It unfolds in its own time and often in unexpected ways. When we soften and accept, we create the conditions for healing to occur organically. This approach requires patience, trust, and a willingness to let go of control — qualities that can feel counterintuitive in a culture that prizes quick fixes and instant results.
Healing involves tending to the whole self: mind, body, and spirit. It might mean addressing unprocessed trauma through therapy, nurturing the body with wholesome foods and gentle movement, or reconnecting with a sense of purpose and community. Each person’s path will look different, but the common thread is a shift from resistance to nurturing.
Embracing Loneliness and Grief
Two of the most challenging experiences to soften into are loneliness and grief. Both carry profound emotional weight and often feel like voids we must fill or escape. However, these states also offer profound opportunities for growth and connection.
Loneliness, when met with acceptance, can become a doorway to deeper self-awareness. It invites us to examine our relationship with ourselves and to explore the ways we seek external validation or distraction. By softening into loneliness, we can begin to cultivate a sense of inner wholeness that is not dependent on external circumstances.
Grief, too, holds transformative potential. It is a natural response to loss, whether that loss is of a loved one, a dream, or a phase of life. When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, we honour what has been lost and make space for what is yet to come. Grief, like all emotions, has a rhythm. By resisting it, we prolong its duration; by embracing it, we allow it to move through us.
Letting Go of Ego
The ego often acts as a gatekeeper, convincing us that we must fight to protect our sense of self. It tells us that softening is weakness and that acceptance is defeat. However, the ego’s need for control is an illusion. True strength lies in vulnerability, in the willingness to lay down our defenses and to face life as it is.
Letting go of ego does not mean abandoning our individuality or self-worth. Rather, it means recognising the limitations of the ego’s perspective and opening ourselves to a deeper, more connected way of being. This might involve practices like mindfulness, meditation, or simply pausing to ask, “What am I resisting right now, and why?”
A New Paradigm for Growth
Softening, acceptance, and healing are not just personal practices; they represent a broader paradigm shift. In a world that often glorifies competition, dominance, and control, choosing to soften is a revolutionary act. It is a declaration that growth does not have to come through struggle alone, but can also arise from compassion, connection, and surrender.
This approach does not deny the reality of challenges or the necessity of effort. There are times when taking decisive action is both necessary and appropriate. However, when effort is balanced with acceptance, it becomes more effective and sustainable. We are no longer pushing against the current but learning to navigate with it.
The Wisdom of Allowing
The journey toward softening, acceptance, and healing is not an easy one, but it is profoundly rewarding. It requires us to unlearn habits of resistance and to embrace a new way of being — one that is rooted in trust, compassion, and openness.
As we let go of the need to fight, we free ourselves to live more fully. We discover that healing is not something we achieve by force, but something we allow to unfold. And in this space of allowing, we find not only relief but also a deeper connection to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us.
So the next time you find yourself in the midst of struggle, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: What would it feel like to soften? To accept? To heal? And most importantly, where am I focusing my energy? The answers may surprise you, and they just might change your life.
