What If None of This is True Success?

Photo Source: Shutterstock. Photo Contributor: Ground Picture

How are you enjoying that new car? Do you still wander around your house and feel the same sense of satisfaction as the day you moved in? Did your overseas holiday allow you to feel satisfied for more than a few weeks after you got back? No? Or are you still looking for ways to numb the restlessness — the quiet whisper that keeps asking, Is this it?

What if none of these things — the house, the car, the dream vacations — define what true success is? What if the reason these fleeting moments of joy fade so quickly is because they are designed to fill a void they can never truly satisfy?

We live in a world that equates success with accumulation: possessions, accolades, wealth, and even the curated perfection of our social media feeds. But if that’s true success, why does it so often leave us feeling empty? Why do so many people achieve what looks like a “dream life” only to find themselves searching for something more?

This isn’t just about individual dissatisfaction; it’s about a system designed to keep us perpetually wanting. In this article, we’ll explore how the relentless pursuit of “more” fuels our economy, keeps us numbing, and distracts us from what really matters. Spoiler alert: true success is deeper, richer, and infinitely more fulfilling than anything you can purchase, achieve, or show off.

The Illusion of Success

Our modern definition of success is a clever mirage. We’re taught to believe that if we just achieve the next milestone — a bigger house, a better job, a new relationship — we’ll finally feel whole. Advertisers, movies, and social media bombard us with images of the “good life,” creating a checklist of material markers for fulfillment. But those markers don’t account for the human need for meaning, connection, and growth.

The Science Behind the Void
Psychology offers a simple explanation for this dissatisfaction: hedonic adaptation. When we get something new, we experience a burst of happiness. But that high wears off as we adjust to our new baseline, leaving us chasing the next hit of dopamine. It’s why the car that once made us beam with pride becomes just another thing in the garage. It’s why the promotion we worked so hard for often brings more stress than satisfaction.

I Get It
I get it. If you work hard, you think you should have some stuff. You deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor, right? But let’s be honest: it’s a brief satisfaction, aimed at justifying the job or hours we know are far from our purpose. In fact, I would argue that the further from your true purpose your work is, the more likely you are to want to reward yourself and numb with these things. It’s not wrong to want comfort or joy, but when those rewards are the primary reason we endure, it’s worth questioning what’s really driving us.

The Role of the System
Here’s the kicker: the system benefits from our dissatisfaction. Consumerism thrives on convincing us that we’re not enough as we are. We need a bigger house, the latest gadget, or the perfect vacation to feel worthy. This keeps us working longer hours to afford the next upgrade, pouring our energy into a cycle of earning and spending that distracts us from deeper questions about what truly matters.

Governments measure success by economic growth, and economic growth relies on consumption. The more we buy, the more the economy thrives. But what’s the cost of this relentless pursuit? Our mental health, our relationships, and our sense of purpose often take a back seat to keeping the machine running.

Consumption as a Tool for Numbing

Consumerism doesn’t just keep us striving; it also keeps us numbing. When we feel a void, sadness, or dissatisfaction, the system offers us a quick fix: buy something. The act of shopping, whether for necessities or indulgences, provides a fleeting sense of control and satisfaction. But this is a band-aid solution that never addresses the deeper issues at play.

How Consumption Traps Us

1. Emotional Escapism: Retail therapy, scrolling through online shops, and chasing the next “must-have” item serve as distractions from uncomfortable emotions. Instead of sitting with our discomfort or addressing its root causes, we’re encouraged to soothe it with consumption.
2. Addictive Patterns: The dopamine hit from buying something new mirrors the effects of other addictive behaviours. This keeps us coming back for more, even when we know it’s not a lasting solution.
3. Debt and Dependence: The system’s ultimate trap is debt. Easy credit and the normalisation of living beyond our means keep us tied to jobs we may not love and a lifestyle we may not need. This financial dependence ensures we remain active participants in the industrial complex.

Industries That Profit from Numbing
The self-care industry is a prime example. While self-care in its true form is about nourishment and rest, much of the modern self-care movement has been co-opted to sell candles, spa days, and skincare routines. Instead of encouraging us to find balance or set boundaries, it pushes us to consume products under the guise of “treating ourselves.”

Entertainment and tech industries also benefit from our need to numb. Streaming platforms, social media, and video games provide endless opportunities to escape, while advertisers use these platforms to sell us more things we don’t need.

Redefining Success: A Shift from External to Internal

True success is not something you can measure in square footage or bank balances. It’s a deeply personal and internal experience. When we strip away society’s expectations, we can begin to redefine what success means on our own terms.

The Pillars of True Success

1. Purpose: Living a life aligned with what matters most to you. This could be service to others, creating art, or nurturing a family. Purpose gives our lives meaning and direction. Without it, we often feel adrift, no matter how much we achieve materially.
2. Growth: Committing to lifelong learning and embracing challenges as opportunities to evolve. Growth is about becoming the best version of ourselves, not to impress others, but to feel fulfilled.
3. Connection: Building relationships that are authentic, supportive, and meaningful. True success is rarely a solo journey; it’s deeply tied to the quality of our relationships.
4. Wellbeing: Prioritising physical, emotional, and spiritual health over external markers of achievement. Without wellbeing, nothing else matters.

Examples of True Success
Consider the teacher who finds deep purpose in shaping young minds, even if they’ll never be rich or famous. Or the person who scaled back their career to spend more time with family and found that their relationships flourished. These are not the stories that dominate social media, but they are the ones that resonate deeply with what it means to live a fulfilling life.

Why the System Keeps Us Chasing More

The pursuit of “more” isn’t just a personal struggle; it’s a societal construct. Here’s why it persists:

1. Economic Incentives: As mentioned earlier, our economic system depends on constant growth. If we all decided to prioritise wellbeing over consumption, entire industries would collapse. The system is designed to keep us feeling like we’re never enough.
2. Social Conditioning: From a young age, we’re bombarded with messages about what success looks like. The big house, the fancy car, the perfect family — these are presented as universal goals, even though they don’t align with everyone’s values or desires.
3. Fear of Scarcity: Many of us equate material success with security. We fear that without constant striving, we’ll lose our place in the world. This fear keeps us tethered to the cycle of earning and consuming.
4. Status and Comparison: Social media amplifies our tendency to compare ourselves to others. When we see someone else’s highlight reel, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind. This fuels the need to achieve more, buy more, and show more.

How to Break Free and Redefine Success

Breaking free from this cycle isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are some practical steps to start living your definition of success:

1. Self-Reflection: Regularly ask yourself what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. Journaling, meditation, or simply taking quiet moments to think can help you connect with your inner values.
2. Set Values-Based Goals: Focus on goals that align with your deepest values, not society’s expectations. For example, if connection is important to you, prioritize spending quality time with loved ones over working extra hours to buy a luxury item.
3. Simplify: Let go of the things — both physical and mental — that no longer serve you. Minimalism isn’t about deprivation; it’s about making space for what truly matters.
4. Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus to what you already have, rather than what you think you’re missing. Gratitude can rewire your brain to find joy in the present moment.
5. Invest in Relationships: Prioritise connection over consumption. Spend time with people who uplift and inspire you, and be that person for others.

The Rewards of Authentic Success

When we redefine success on our own terms, we’re no longer at the mercy of societal expectations. The rewards are profound:

• Deeper Relationships: When we prioritise connection, our relationships become more authentic and fulfilling.
• Inner Peace: Letting go of the need to constantly achieve allows us to experience a sense of calm and contentment.
• Resilience: True success isn’t about avoiding challenges but facing them with courage and grace. This builds resilience and a sense of inner strength.
• Joy in the Journey: Success becomes less about reaching a destination and more about enjoying the process.

Your Success, Your Way

True success is not a destination; it’s a way of being. It’s living in alignment with your values, embracing who you are, and finding joy in the journey rather than chasing an ever-moving finish line. It’s not about how your life looks to others — it’s about how it feels to you.

So, let me ask you again: How are you enjoying that new car, that house, that holiday? And more importantly, what would it feel like to truly redefine success on your own terms? Perhaps it’s time to stop chasing the illusion and start living your truth.