The Resilience Buzz: Are you sick of being called resilient?

I shudder when yet another person calls me resilient. Across the years in so many situations people have called me strong and resilient: when my brother almost died in a car accident and was in a coma for 3 months, when we lost everything in the fire, when I closed my restaurant and function centre, when my marriage ended, all the years of study and struggling on a single income….all the times when I really felt I had no choice but to be strong and inside I really longed for someone to help me carry the burden.

In the lexicon of personal development, one word often echoed with admiration is “resilience.” It’s a term that carries connotations of strength, fortitude, and an ability to weather life’s storms. Yet, for some, like myself, the mere utterance of this word can evoke a visceral response — an involuntary shudder that speaks to a complex relationship with a label that has become both a compliment and a burden. In this exploration, I invite you to delve into the reasons behind my uneasy reaction when someone bestows upon me the title of “resilient.”

Resilience as a Double-Edged Sword

As a woman deeply immersed in the realms of psychology, business, and personal development, I’ve found myself grappling with the duality of the term “resilience.” On one hand, it is a compliment acknowledging one’s ability to face challenges head-on and emerge stronger. On the other hand, it can carry an implicit expectation — an unspoken demand to continuously embody strength, often at the expense of embracing vulnerability and speaking of our struggles.

The Burden of Invincibility

When others label us as resilient, it’s as if an invisible armour is placed upon our shoulders, and suddenly, the world expects us to be invincible. The shudder I feel is not a rejection of strength but a reaction to the weight of societal expectations that come with this label. The burden of invincibility implies an unwavering ability to handle anything that life throws our way, leaving little room for the acknowledgment of our own struggles and moments of fragility.

The Mask of Perpetual Strength

Resilience, when overemphasised, can become a mask — one we wear to shield ourselves and others from the messy reality of being human. This perpetual display of strength may unintentionally foster an environment where vulnerability is perceived as weakness. The shudder is a silent rebellion against the pressure to maintain this facade, a yearning to be seen in our entirety rather than as a one-dimensional portrayal of strength.

Resilience as a Response to Trauma

For some, being labeled as resilient can stir memories of overcoming profound challenges or traumas. While the acknowledgment of triumph over adversity is commendable, it also carries the weight of revisiting painful experiences. The shudder is a visceral reaction to the reminder of past struggles, a recognition that resilience often emerges from the crucible of hardship.

The Complexity of Personal Growth

As a champion of personal development, my discomfort with the label “resilient” is not a dismissal of growth or triumph over challenges. Instead, it is an acknowledgment of the multifaceted nature of personal development. Growth is a journey marked by highs and lows, strength and vulnerability, and the acceptance that true authenticity lies in embracing the entire spectrum of human experience. True growth lies in embracing the lows as equally important, in fact they are the fertile ground that the highs are rooted in.

Resilience as a Societal Expectation

Societal norms often dictate that resilience is a sought-after quality, especially for women navigating the complexities of life and business. The shudder is, in part, a response to the external pressures to conform to this expectation. It’s a rebellion against the notion that a woman’s worth is contingent upon her ability to seamlessly navigate challenges without showing the cracks in her armour.

Embracing Vulnerability as Strength

The discomfort with the label “resilient” is a call to reevaluate the narrative around strength and personal growth. True strength lies not just in the ability to bounce back from adversity but also in the courage to embrace vulnerability. The shudder signifies a desire for a more nuanced conversation — one that celebrates the strength found in authenticity and acknowledges that resilience coexists with moments of uncertainty, doubt, and imperfection.

Redefining Strength for Authentic Living

To move beyond the shudder, it’s essential to redefine strength in the context of authentic living. Strength is not a monolithic attribute but a dynamic interplay of resilience and vulnerability. It’s the capacity to face challenges with courage while honouring the authenticity of one’s emotional landscape.

1. Breaking the Mould: Challenge the societal mould that expects perpetual strength. Embrace moments of vulnerability as opportunities for growth and connection.
2. Cultivating Authenticity: Shift the narrative from resilience as an expectation to authenticity as a strength. Recognise that true authenticity requires an acknowledgment of both strengths and vulnerabilities.
3. Encouraging Honest Conversations: Foster environments that encourage honest conversations about personal growth. Break down the stigma surrounding vulnerability and redefine resilience as a multifaceted quality.
4. Recognising Collective Strength: Acknowledge that strength is not an individual pursuit but a collective endeavor. By sharing our authentic experiences, we contribute to a narrative that celebrates the collective strength found in vulnerability.

The shudder that accompanies the label “resilient” is not a rejection of strength or personal growth. Instead, it is a nuanced response to the expectations and limitations imposed by a label that has become both a compliment and a constraint. By redefining strength, embracing vulnerability, and fostering authentic conversations, we can create a space where personal development is celebrated in its entirety — a journey marked by resilience, vulnerability, and the courage to be authentically human.