Nothing Changes Until YOU Change.
I waited for change for years, I knew I wanted it, I hoped for it, I dreamt about it, and I believed it would find me.
I waited for circumstances to shift, for opportunities to fall into my lap, for other people to recognise what I needed and adjust accordingly. I spent years believing that the right job, relationship, or situation would finally bring the sense of peace and purpose I craved.
But it never came. And I couldn’t understand why.
There was a pivotal moment when everything crystallised, and I finally understood something profound: nothing was going to change until I did. Even though I had this flash of insight, I still didn’t fully grasp the depth of the transformation that needed to happen. I felt it in my bones — this stirring, this whisper that the work needed to be internal — but I had no idea what that meant or how to start.
That moment was both liberating and terrifying. On one hand, I felt an immense sense of power, realising that I held the key to my own transformation. On the other hand, the responsibility was overwhelming. How do you change the inner workings of your mind, heart, and soul when you’ve spent decades reinforcing certain habits, beliefs, and ways of being? How do you take the vague sense that something needs to shift and turn it into action?
What follows is the messy, non-linear, often uncomfortable process of understanding what it means to change internally and how that leads to external shifts.
Waiting for Change
I used to believe that external change — better opportunities, healthier relationships, financial abundance — was just around the corner. I had a vision of my “ideal” life: a version of me who had it all together, who felt aligned, purposeful, and successful. I imagined how that version of myself would interact with the world and how everything would finally fall into place once the right job, partner, or lifestyle appeared. So, I waited. And kept busy.
The problem with waiting for external changes is that you become passive in your own life. It’s as if you’re standing at a bus stop, hoping that the right bus will come along and take you to your destination, but refusing to walk there yourself. I spent years in that place, holding onto the belief that if I just kept waiting, and keeping busy, something would shift. But all that happened was a deepening sense of frustration and disillusionment.
I now realise that waiting for external change is like putting a Band-Aid on a broken bone. It may offer temporary relief, but it doesn’t heal the core issue. The job might change, the relationship might evolve, or the opportunity might appear, but if you don’t address the underlying patterns and beliefs that shape your life, you’ll find yourself back in the same place before long.
The Pivotal Moment of Realisation
My moment of recognition came at a week long personal development event. I had written a seven-year plan that sounded exciting, outlining all the dreams and aspirations I wanted to achieve. And yet, as I read it back to myself, something didn’t feel right. Deep down, I knew that unless I made huge changes in my life, none of it was going to happen.
I remember journaling that day, writing these words with no real insight into what it was going to mean: “Nothing has changed because I haven’t changed.” It was like looking at my life through a magnifying glass. Everything suddenly made sense in a painful yet necessary way. I had been waiting for external circumstances to change, but the truth was, I was the one who had to change first.
Even with that realisation, it still took a couple of years before I actually began my internal growth. The awareness was there, but stepping into the process was terrifying. Have you heard the phrase, “Your new life is going to cost you your old life”? It’s true — and it’s scary. Awakening is a destructive process. You’re going to have to burn to the ground everything that is not you and learn all over again who you are. It’s not the type of thing anyone can fully prepare for. You think you’re just doing personal development, but what you’re really doing is dismantling every false belief you’ve ever held about yourself and the world.
The Messy Process of Internal Change
Internal change is not glamorous. It doesn’t happen in a neat, linear progression, and it certainly doesn’t come with a roadmap. The process of transformation requires you to dive deep into the uncomfortable parts of yourself — the fears, the limiting beliefs, the unhealed wounds. It’s messy. It’s confronting. And it’s absolutely necessary.
For me, the first step was self-awareness. I had to become brutally honest with myself about the patterns I was perpetuating. I noticed how I constantly played the victim, blaming external circumstances for my unhappiness. I observed how I avoided taking responsibility for my own growth, always hoping someone or something else would rescue me.
But awareness alone wasn’t enough. I had to make the choice, over and over again, to do the hard work of inner transformation. This involved unlearning deeply ingrained beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of. It required me to face the uncomfortable truth that I had been standing in my own way.
I began to shift my focus from external outcomes to internal processes. Instead of asking, “How can I change my circumstances?” I started asking, “How can I change my relationship with myself?” This shift in perspective was monumental. I no longer saw myself as a passive participant in life, waiting for things to happen. I began to take ownership of my thoughts, emotions, and actions.
The Role of Resistance
One thing I didn’t anticipate was the amount of resistance that comes with internal change. Our minds and bodies are wired for survival, and they cling to familiar patterns, even when those patterns are harmful. The mind resists change because it feels unsafe. After all, if you’ve spent decades operating in a certain way, stepping into the unknown feels like a threat.
I encountered resistance in many forms. Sometimes it was fear — fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of losing my identity. Other times it was doubt, questioning whether internal change would actually make a difference. There were moments when I wanted to give up, to retreat back into the comfort of my old ways, because at least they were familiar.
But here’s the thing: resistance is part of the process. It’s not a sign that you’re failing or that you’re on the wrong path. In fact, resistance often means you’re on the verge of a breakthrough. The key is to acknowledge the resistance, but not let it stop you. I had to learn to sit with discomfort, to face the fears and doubts head-on, and to trust that internal change would lead to external shifts, even if I couldn’t see it in the moment.
When you begin the process of internal change, discomfort is inevitable — and it shows up in many forms. There’s emotional discomfort, where old wounds, fears, and limiting beliefs resurface, forcing you to confront painful truths about yourself and your past. There’s physical discomfort, too, as stress and tension manifest in your body as you release deeply held patterns. Then there’s the discomfort of uncertainty, stepping into the unknown without the familiar markers to guide you. Social discomfort also plays a role, as your growth may create friction in relationships with people who knew the old version of you. All of these discomforts are necessary parts of the journey, signals that transformation is taking place, and while they may be challenging to endure, they are ultimately what lead to growth and freedom.
The Ripple Effect of Internal Change
What I’ve learned through this process is that when you change internally, the external world naturally begins to shift. It’s not always immediate, and it’s not always in the way you expect, but change happens. It’s like dropping a pebble into a pond — the ripples extend outward, affecting everything around you.
As I began to do the inner work, I noticed subtle changes in my external reality. I became more confident in my decisions, more aligned with my values, and more at peace with where I was in life. Opportunities started to appear, not because I was chasing them, but because I was embodying the qualities that attracted them.
Relationships shifted too. I started to attract people who were aligned with my growth and values, while others who no longer resonated with me naturally fell away. I wasn’t trying to control or manipulate my external world; I was simply focusing on being the person I needed to be, and the external changes followed.
The Journey Continues
Here’s the truth: internal change is a lifelong journey. It’s not a one-time event or a quick fix. It’s a continual process of growth, learning, and self-awareness. There will always be new layers to uncover, new challenges to face, and new opportunities for growth.
The good news is that once you embrace the process, it becomes less daunting. You begin to trust that the internal work is worth it, even when the external results aren’t immediately visible. You start to understand that true transformation begins within, and that external change is simply a reflection of the inner shifts you’ve made.
So, if you find yourself stuck, frustrated, or waiting for life to change, I encourage you to pause and look within. The answers you’re seeking aren’t out there — they’re within you. And the moment you choose to embark on the journey of internal change, you’ll find that the external world starts to change too.
Change begins with you. Always.
